Scene: the Village Hall.
The Vicar addresses the audience (the WI):
V: (Clapping hands). Now I know that you’ve all come here this evening to hear one of Mr. Backwatersman’s Interesting Talks on the subject of cricket, or perhaps one of his recitations of Improving Verse, but I’m afraid to say I have to tell you that he has been unavoidably detained by a signal failure in the Luton area, and hasn’t had time to prepare the advertised talk.
(Murmurs of discontent)
However, as some of you may be aware, he is also a keen amateur photographer –
and so he has asked me to present to you instead a rather interesting slideshow he has recently prepared, entitled “A Cavalcade of Spring : Some Rivers of the East Midlands”
(scraping of chairs, mutters of “Sod this for a game of soldiers” and “Come on Marjorie, the pubs are still open”)
No, ladies, come back! Verger, will you please dim the lights and we’ll begin. The first slide is of the River Jordan, a tributary of the mighty River Welland, which rises near Braybrooke, flows alongside the Brampton Valley Way, runs through and occasionally irrigates Little Bowden, before joining the Welland opposite the Railway Station. Mr. Backwatersman is fascinated by the way that the tree has formed a kind of natural bridge over the River, and has taken several photographs of it over the past month …
(Well, bully for him, we’re off to the pub)