… then how about this little beauty, the very latest in smart ‘phones from Backwatersman Inc.?
What’s that you say? That doesn’t look very smart – it looks like a manky old Nokia that you’ve been using for so long that all the letters and numbers have rubbed off? Well that’s just the point. All the best inventions – electricity, crisps, even nuclear weapons were arrived at by accident – and though this ‘phone isn’t smart, you have to be smart to use it!
Just think of the possibilities!
Parents – worried that your children are lacking basic literacy and numeracy skills? Don’t know their ABC? Can’t count to ten? Don’t waste money on expensive private education – just give them this smart ‘phone and they’ll soon pick it up!
Kids – Want to send your Headmistress a text calling her a Skanky Old Sket, but scared you’ll get into trouble? Well, now you can! Just say you meant to send it to your Mum and blame it all on the smart ‘phone!
Oldies – Worried you’re losing your marbles? Short-term memory shot to pieces? Just twenty minutes a day on this ‘smart phone – perhaps trying to make a Doctor’s appointment – and you’ll find you have the memory of a five year old!
This smart ‘phone is currently available in a limited edition of one. Just post £199.99 through my letter box and it can be yours in time for Christmas!
(Backwatersman Inc. can accept no liability for any legal action, serious injuries or other unpleasantness that may result from use of this ‘phone. Other smart ‘phones are available.)